Egg Free, Gluten Free, Sugar Free???
I believe we should optimize. I believe we should sometimes maximize. I do not think it is productive to compromise. Optimizing and maximizing within our relationships produces the highest levels of happiness.
Think of it like food, more specifically a dessert that you really enjoy. For me it is marble cake with white butter cream frosting. Optimizing the cake deals with the ratio of frosting to cake and the ratio of sugar to butter in the frosting. Texture, moisture, density also come into play. Maximizing the cake deals with getting as much of it as I can. Bear with me.
Now, if someone offered me an egg free, gluten free, sugar free marble cake with white butter cream frosting I might just get sick to my stomach. That's not cake! Let alone dessert. With that offering no one is happy, it's not even good enough for the garbage. This comrades, is what compromising looks like. Trying to make something into something else that it ought not be. Dessert is not good for. Period. Leave my dessert alone and keep your compromising creativity away from it.
When I do things for my wife, I lay my own desires aside. If I tried to do what so many in our culture today promulgate as the reasonable thing to do and tried to compromise or blend our preferences I would end up with a disaster of a "healthy cake".
The relationship technique of compromise is born out of laziness and an unwillingness to sacrifice on behalf of your partner.
When you do something for your wife, buy a gift, make food, pick a restaurant, pick a movie, or even more serious issues like buying a cake or choosing where to live, I believe that sacrificial giving in order to optimize and maximize your partner's happiness will lead to more happiness for you.
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